Jerk or Treat!

It's Halloween, so I thought I'd see if Spawn had learned any good trick-or-treating jokes at school...

me: Hey, do you know any jokes?
him: [spits]
me: I don't think anyone is going to give you candy for that. Maybe you should just say "trick or treat!"
him: jerk or treat!
me: I'm pretty sure you won't get much candy for saying that either.  Maybe you could learn a joke.
him: or I could do this [spits again, then makes vomiting sound].
me: how about this joke: What's a ghost's favorite fruit?
him: ghost bananas?  ghost marshmallows?
me: those aren't real things.  Marshmallows aren't even a fruit...  A ghost's favorite fruit is boo-berries!  Now you try.  Ask me what a ghost's favorite fruit is...
him: Junk or treat!  Ghosts like blueberries and marshmallows!  Got it!

Corn Pool?

So there's a tub of corn at the farmers market...

Who's Hungry?

Spawn, Prawn, and I were riding in the car a few days ago.  It was kind of chilly out (snot weather!), and Spawn's nose was kind of runny.  He probably had a cold, too, since that seems to be a theme of preschool.  Anyway, I called him out on it...

Me: hey, whatcha doing back there?

Spawn: I'm just picking my nose.  Sometimes when I'm riding in the car I get hungry, and I need a little snack.  So I pick my boogers and eat them. 

Me: (gagging) um, you know, we could always just have a snack when we get home.  We're actually in the driveway right now, so we can go inside and eat some actual food right now.

Spawn: No, that's okay Mom.  I'm all right.  I'm full now.  I don't need anything else to eat.

I might vomit.

Legos Aflame

Spawn did something awesome, and as a result he earned a Lego boat.  It's pretty much the most exciting thing that's ever happened to him.  While he and Dad were building it, he got upset because he thought two of the pieces were too close together.

Spawn: if you put them too close together like that, they'll catch fire.
Dad: what?  Why would they do that?
Spawn: yeah, that's what my Aunt Jane told me.
Dad: was she talking about boats?
Spawn: she was talking about things that catch on fire.
Dad: well, that makes sense.

Burning down the house?

This morning the city firemen visited Spawn's preschool.  It was exciting for all, especially when the firemen got a call 5 minutes after they got there.  Of course the toddlers immediately started rumors, which Spawn picked up on...

me: So, what did you do at school today?

Spawn: The firemen were there.  But they got called away.  The guy was dead.

me: (hopeful) did you say there was a dad?

Spawn: nope.  Dead, Mom, he was dead.  They went to get him.

me: What?  Who?  ...um, maybe they were going to go put out a little fire in a tree...

Spawn: There was a dead guy.  In a burning house.

me: Maybe they were getting a cat out of a tree!

Spawn: maybe the dead guy was in a big building on fire.  Or maybe it was a house.