My brother looks like...

Me: "Your brother really looks like you."
Spawn: "My brother really looks like dog food."

Tiny Babies

Spawn: "Mom, were you tiny when you were a baby?"
Me: "yes, I was a very tiny baby, and so was Dad. We were much smaller than you or your brother."
Spawn: "you must have been twins!"
Me: "um, not quite..."

Special nail clipper project

We just found the nail clippers that have been missing for a week.  They were in Spawn's "special cabinet" (his bedside table, where he keeps many treasures).

"Mom, I just need these nail clippers for my very special project.
It has long, sharp nails, it doesn't need a name, and it's not a boy."

Drawings

Spawn asked me to draw him a map of our house...

Me: there, how's that?
Spawn: Mom, you shouldn't really draw.

In case of bedtime emergencies...

Tonight, as Spawn was going to bed:

Me: goodnight Spawn, I love you.  It's time for you to rest.
Spawn: goodnight Mom.  I love you.  Sleep well.  And remember to call 9-1-1 if you have an emergency.

Jerk or Treat!

It's Halloween, so I thought I'd see if Spawn had learned any good trick-or-treating jokes at school...

me: Hey, do you know any jokes?
him: [spits]
me: I don't think anyone is going to give you candy for that. Maybe you should just say "trick or treat!"
him: jerk or treat!
me: I'm pretty sure you won't get much candy for saying that either.  Maybe you could learn a joke.
him: or I could do this [spits again, then makes vomiting sound].
me: how about this joke: What's a ghost's favorite fruit?
him: ghost bananas?  ghost marshmallows?
me: those aren't real things.  Marshmallows aren't even a fruit...  A ghost's favorite fruit is boo-berries!  Now you try.  Ask me what a ghost's favorite fruit is...
him: Junk or treat!  Ghosts like blueberries and marshmallows!  Got it!

Corn Pool?

So there's a tub of corn at the farmers market...